Trying Not To Love You
by JMFearless
Summary: Oneshot songfic. Jade tries to get over her feelings about the breakup. Bade friendship moment at the end. The song is "Trying Not To Love You" by Nickelback. Please R&R. Note: I took out some of the lyrics because they didn't fit the story.


**A/N: Credit for the song to Nickelback**

Trying Not To Love You

By JMFearless

Jade West had never felt truly lost in her life until now. She always knew exactly what to say at exactly the right time. Nothing could hurt her and only a few things could make her cry. She was tough, powerful, maybe even invincible. Or at least, that was what she'd thought. Beck had threatened to leave her before, but she'd never imagined that he would actually do it. That wasn't even the worst part though. The worst part was that she still had to see him every day at Hollywood Arts. How could she be expected to hold it together when she had to walk through the halls and see his face? On top of that, he was in her dreams every night too. She thought she could go on without him, but she realized now that she had been dead wrong. It had two months since they broke up and Beck was still all she could think about. Why the hell couldn't she get over this?

"Get out of my head!" she screamed, even though she knew there was no one around to hear her. That was the reason she had come to Hollywood Arts today anyway. It was the weekend, so the only people here would be the ones who got saddled with Saturday detention and they were all the way up in the library, so they probably couldn't hear her. She had tried everything she could to keep Beck out of her mind. She didn't want to love him anymore, not if it was going to hurt like this. She'd even briefly considered calling Tori for help once, since she was the only one who seemed even remotely concerned about how she felt, but then she'd thought better of it. It would start snowing in Hell before she asked Tori to do any more favors for her. Placing herself in debt to Tori again was decidedly not an option. That only left her with one choice, which was why she'd come to the auditorium after borrowing a guitar from the music room. This was the only way that she could think of to sort out her feelings, so it would have to do the trick or she didn't know what she would do. She took a deep breath and laid the guitar across her lap, carefully making sure that her fingers were positioned properly. She closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the feel of the guitar's weight in her arms. Once she felt ready, she began to gently strum the strings to the tune of the first song that came into her head.

"_You call to me and I fall at your feet. How could anyone ask for more?" _she sang, _"And our times apart, like knives in my heart. How could anyone ask for more?" _ She chuckled a little at how appropriate the lyrics to this song were to her situation. There was nothing look a good breakup song to go with a bad breakup.

"_But if there's a pill to help me forget, God knows I haven't found it yet. But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to," _she sang, _"Cause trying not to love you only goes so far, trying not to need you is tearing me apart. Can't see the silver lining from down here on the floor and I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for. Cause trying not to love you only makes me love you more." _As she sang, Jade felt herself slowly begin to feel better. She knew the pain wasn't going to go away any time soon, but she felt like the song had helped her understand it better. Beck wouldn't get out of her mind because he was special to her. He always had been and he always would be. She wondered when she had forgotten that; it was such a basic truth that she felt ashamed of herself for losing sight of it. Tears began to fall from her eyes, completely independent of her control or desire.

"_This kind of pain, only time takes away," _she sang, her voice beginning to break a little,_ "That's why it's harder to let you go, and nothing I can do without thinking of you. That's why it's harder to let you go. But if there's a pill to help me forget, God knows I haven't found it yet. But I'm dying to, I'm trying to. 'Cause trying not to love you only goes so far, trying not to need you is tearing me apart, can't see the silver lining from down here on the floor and I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for. 'Cause trying not to love you only makes me love you more." _ She paused for a moment, trying to force herself to become composed. She wasn't supposed to be crying like this. This was supposed to help her deal with her feelings, not make them leak out all over the stage. It was a good thing that no one else was in here or she might have died of embarrassment.

Jade was opening her mouth to start singing the last verse when she became aware that someone else was in the auditorium. "Who's there?" she yelled.

"I heard singing," a familiar voice said, "Jade, is that you?"

"Beck?" she asked, "What on Earth are you doing here?"

"I was getting kind of stir crazy in the RV," he explained.

"Do you mind getting out of here?" Jade asked, more harshly than she meant to, "I was kind of the middle of something and it doesn't involve you."

"But I kind of like that song," he said, "Plus, you sound good singing it." Before Jade could open her mouth to tell him that she didn't give a damn what he thought of her anymore, he began to sing softly.

_"Trying to love you only went so far,"_ he sang, _"__Trying not to need you was tearing me apart. Now I see the silver lining from what we're fighting for, and if we just keep on trying, we could be much more. 'Cause trying not to love you, oh yeah, trying not to love you only makes me love you more." _Jade choked a little when she heard the sound of his voice. It had been a long time since she'd heard him sing anything. It reminded her of back when they first fell in love, before all of the drama. When had their relationship gone from one of love and trust to one of bitterness, jealousy, and anger? Why hadn't she done something to stop it from happening? Just hearing him sing that simple stanza of lyrics made her realize that she wasn't the only one who had been tearing her hair out over this for the past two months. Beck hadn't fared any better than she had.

"I'm sorry," she said, surprising herself with how even and calm her voice was, "For the stuff that happened the day we broke up I mean. It's just...I went a little crazy when I found out we were voted worst couple. I didn't want to face the thought that we might not be made for each other, you know? I wanted our relationship to work."

"You think I didn't?" he asked quietly. His voice wasn't harsh or cruel, it was just neutral. She couldn't figure out what to make of it."I wanted us to work too. More than anything." Jade took a deep breath. What she was about to say might be the most difficult thing that she'd ever said before. It required her to be vulnerable, which was not something she did well.

"Look, I know it would probably be premature of me to ask you to take me back," she said, "But do you think it would be all right for us to hang out again? Like we used to before all the drama?"

"It'd be more than all right," he said, smiling his natural, easy smile, "I'd like it a lot." Jade nodded simply. At that moment, she resolved that she would do everything she could to earn back the trust and love she'd once had with Beck. The girl he'd fallen for had to still be in there somewhere and Jade would bring her back if it was the last thing she ever did.

**A/N: Did you love it? Hate it? Or do you simply feel intensely apathetic towards it? Either way, please review. **


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